Problems with the Document
by The What-If Writer
Summary: ONE-SHOT. Whilst running from a very hungry and violent vampire-squirrel, Conker encounters a problem not too different from the one the game had- only this time its more of a 'typo' thing...


_Lol, have no idea where this came from._

_Please review!_

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Problems with the Programmer/Writer

Conker was running full tilt through the darkened, slightly dank-with-age hallway; Red carpets standing out like blinding acid on the ground against the dull blue. It reminded him eerily of the danger behind him- or, more accurately, what the danger was after.

Panting, the young squirrel made a left turn and somehow found himself regretting it- he didn't know for sure why, he just had a gut feeling that it wasn't a good idea. Ah, well, too late to turn back now.

"This is what I get fer' botherin' vampires." He panted huskily to no one in particular, tail flying madly behind him as he sped up. Then, he heard something hiss from not too far behind.

"Aw, nuts." His eyes widened to rival two beehives as he looked over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of red looking around the corner.

Yup. Definitely shoulda went right...

Conker, per usual, wasn't too frightened of his situation; he was always too positive for that kind of thing. Instead he was just horribly nervous of it. But, just as he was reminding himself that, his long foot caught on a bump in the blood-red carpet and he toppled to the ground, his breath knocking out of his lungs as he slammed onto the ground. The carpet didn't provide any help from the cold stone below.

He could hear Mr-Eat Ya getting closer; a less-than friendly chuckle from behind told him that. Conker, eyes still very wide, turned ont his back and propped himself up on his hands, his legs still slumped on the ground and aching.

The vampire-squirrel was large and black, nothing like the old man he'd seen (and annoyed, heh, that was fun..) and now he looked thousands of years younger, stronger...and hungrier.

"Uh,oh."

The creature lunged, and the red-furred rodent yelped loudly and covered his head, turning onto his side and screwing his eyes shut. The creature

**9243889844444444444444444444 **

_Hey! What the..._

"Wha..." Conker opened his eyes slowly, encase his senses were fooling him. For some reason, he didn't feel a sharp pain in the neck. Or anywhere for that matter.

Blinking in bewilderment, the squirrel turned on his side and looked up- and cringed. The creature was there alright- stopped in mid-lunge. Frozen, even.

He was getting a strange sense of deja-vu, though he had no idea why. Conker slipped away from the creature's path and wandered a few steps away. All sound had ceased, and even the fires in the torchlight were frozen stiff, ironically enough.

"Uuuhh..." He glanced around, "Hello? World?"

_...Crud._

"Whoszat?" Conker jumped when the words appeared in his head. There was no real voice accompanying them- it was as if he'd just read them off a page.

_Um...The writer I guess._

"Oh." Conker shrugged brightly, undeterred but confused by the subject. A lot of weird things had been going on lately, so he guessed that was the reason he wasn't so surprised. He placed his hands conversationally behind his back and smiled upwards, though nothing was there.

"Sounds...nifty. So, um, why can't Mr Eat- People move?"

A pause.

_...I don't know. It seems my Document Screen keeps getting all screwed up every time I try to write anything except what you're doing._

"Hm...kinda a problem, then, huh?" Conker mused, balancing on his heels. "Wait as sec...are ya writing what I'm saying now?"

_...I think we've broken enough of the Fourth Wall for me to answer that XD_

"Gotcha." Conker beamed with a point. He didn't want to think about the concept anyway. Too mind-boggling for him, thank you.

"So...Whaddaya gonna do?" He asked, before looking over his shoulder at the vampire-squirrel suspended in mid-air, "Can ya try again?"

_I'll see._

**39uesdojdfljfodej**

_Darn it._

"Ah well. Guess I can just get away then." Conker clicked his teeth together and began trotting away, "Nice talkin' to ya, Writer."

_Hang on, you can't go. The story needs to go on with everyone, not just you._

Conker stopped and gave a small glare to contrast his earlier smile, "Ya makin' me sound selfish, Writer ole pal."

He gestured with his thumb at the vampire after turning around, almost as if the Writer was actually behind him, "I don't exactly wanna get bitten, Pal."

_It WAS part of the story._

"Hey!"

_Sorry, It's what happens._

Conker folded his arms and shook his head incredulously, "Outa be ashamed, Writer."

_Don't be a wimp, Conker._

Conker wasn't deterred, and thought hard. To be bit, or not to be bit. Hmm...maybe he could do something about this. Bargain? Cash?

He did a double take and shook his head, eyes downcast. Nope, no cash-giving today, not even if was to get the world moving again. If it ever did.

"Say..." He drew out his voice, trying to change the subject, "What'd ya think happened anyway? Doc don't like vampires or something?"

_I don't know. Honestly, I just do the typing._

"You got a computer?" Conker looked up in surprise when he found out it wasn't getting written in pencil like he presumed. Heck, with all this old castle stuff around him, the old-fashioned-ness must have been rubbing off on him.

_A laptop. _

"Nice," Conker gave a thumbs- up before an idea popped into mind, "Say, Writer Chum, If you could give me a head start once ya get Ol'e What-his name going again, then whether I get bit or not is still up to you."

That sentence confused him as he said it, for if he ran a few more steps with the Writer wanting him to get mauled, then he didn't see much point because it seems for now that High-And-Typ-y was in charge.

But, a head start made him feel better. And hey, if things went wrong for her plan before, they could again, right?

_I'll see. I think the doc's getting better, I suggest you get you fluffy orange tail running now._

"Yup. Nice talking to ya, Writer." He turned and sprinted down the hall, "Laters!"

Suddenly, everything flickered as if it was kicked back into motion. The fires placed and the roar behind him resumed, only to halt when a thud sounded. A quick glance over the shoulder told Conker that the vampire had slammed his nose onto the ground, and was growing further and further behind.

"Huh. Guess the Writer changed their mind!" He said to himself as he sprinted away, "Guess I won't be a bat in this story or whatever people call existence these days..."

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Heh. Conker just doesn't care that he's part of a fanfic.


End file.
